“I’ve been left alone, but I never really felt that lonely.”
Last night, we played a drinking game where there were a pile of random questions to be asked for each person. One time, I was asked of ‘what I do in time that I get lonely’. The question was quite hard for me, as I’ve never really felt ‘that lonely’. As I’ve said during the game, I had a lot of coping mechanisms to feel like I’m not lonely, like calling my family, watching SHINee videos, drawing/painting, or writing, so I can’t really remember a moment I’ve felt one. The first thing they thought of was during my first day in college, but I admitted that I did not feel lonely at all that time. There I thought, “Is there something wrong with me?”.
I remember when my roommates told me during one of our late night talks that they actually cried during our first day. I didn’t. In fact, I had a good night sleep during my first night at the dorm. Maybe my thoughts were too occupied that night that I didn’t really cater that feeling. Maybe because I’ve just been used to camps and sleeping in a foreign place, or maybe because the dorm was just nice and cozy. Of course, I’ve been struck by the fact that I’ll be living independently from that day on, but I was relieved because I have my high school friends with me in the campus and my roommates were so friendly and welcoming. I knew then, that my college life will be just fine because I have them with me.
I missed my family, yes, but thank God for social media because I can video chat with them any time. My mom always checks on me through her texts and calls so I still felt like she’s always there. There are times that I can’t help missing their physical presence, which gave me the urges to go home… but missing someone is different from feeling lonely, right?
As I arrived home early in the morning, I went to bed to sleep more. However, despite closing my eyes, the question kept boggling my mind that I found it hard to sleep. Then , a thought struck me. Perhaps the reason why I’ve never felt lonely was because I was aware with the fact that I am never alone. We are never alone. I was aware that there is God who is always there to listen to us whenever we need a listener. There is God whom we can lean on whenever we have problems. There is God who gives us comfort amidst the stressful days. I was never alone because there is God. And I’m thankful for that. I have always felt this relief that my family is always safe because God is always there to watch them for me. God gave me people who make me feel that I am not alone, and I am blessed to have them in my life.
I know life doesn’t always go the way we want it to. Many times, we may feel hopeless and alone. Many times, we may feel that there is no one on our side; that no one understands us; that there is no one to talk to. But having God beside us, having Jesus beside us, would always give us warmth and comfort we need to face the world. All we need to do is to acknowledge his presence. Realizing this, I had more courage to face the world. I had more courage to face the challenges waiting for me. I know that there are still a lot of things that would try to bring me down. But I know that having to face them with God would hone be to be the better person I want to be. I am never alone.