Life and Adventures

The Truth about “The Dream”

The truth about “The Dream” is that it doesn’t exist. Rather, it is yet to be found. You see, I am a lost sheep. Not that I am walking towards the wrong path, but rather I am taking a path that I do not even know.  I am lost, because I don’t know which way to go. I don’t know where this path I am taking right now will lead me. And that’s what makes me afraid.

Some people see me lucky. I can do many things. They say I have the skills. But the problem there is that I do so many things that I don’t know what to focus on. I admit there are many things I like to do, but I am confused which are the things I do that I love. Things I love enough, that I would want to do in the future that I wouldn’t get tired of. And it terrifies thinking that I would eventually come to hate these things I love doing because I’m getting tired of it. It gets me crazy thinking about what I really want to do in the future. I think of these things sometimes. And I wonder where it gets me. Nothing. Because I’m still here, and my problem still isn’t solved.

Add the fact that there are eyes on me, looking after who or what would I become. It is such a heavy burden that because I entered a known university in our country, they stereotype things about me. Little did they know,  I don’t even know where would this get me in the future. I know my future doesn’t depend on the university that I enter, it’s all on me, but it ticks me off whenever they constantly ask me about my plans for the future. Especially about my degree. Those know-it-all people who know nothing about me. I know I should just ignore them, but there is something about their questions, and their eyes that begs to meet my downfall and prove themselves right. I already know all the things they would say if ever that happens. But of course I won’t. I trust myself enough that I know I won’t fall hard. I can’t let that happen. I trust myself enough to walk on this blurred path, trusting, hoping it will turn out just fine in the end.

Being the eldest child, there are many burdens I chose to carry myself without my parents telling me to. Because I feel like it is more of a duty. There is something in me that cannot resist having to carry this obligation. That’s why I know I can’t fall down. That I have to be strong. I know life isn’t always good, but I just have to keep on hanging. And they are the reason why I have to achieve this “dream”, once I find it. This “dream” I know is something good. Something best for us. I still don’t know what it is yet, and I feel like I am running out of time. I have to do something, but I can’t figure it out. Thinking that in the end of this blog post I would think of a resolution, I can’t. Yes, anxious is the right word. Bring me back my childhood where I dreamed of many things, and not worry about things.

Remembering Rapunzel’s song in Tangled, “I’ve Got A Dream” makes me sigh…

I guess this end here…

Or rather…

//to be continued//

 

 

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